Sadness...

Today is the day my Uncle Chris died two years ago. Sadness and that "ache" in my heart just won't go away sometimes.

I've included the lyrics of a song that is very near and dear to my heart. I sang it with the Master's Chorale the day before my uncle died, which was also the day I got to see him for the last time. That day was so hard.

The King of Love My Shepherd Is

By Henry W. Baker

The King of love my shepherd is, whose goodness faileth never;

I nothing lack if I am his and he is mine forever.

Where streams of living water flow, my ransomed soul he leadeth

And, where the verdant pastures grow, with food celestial feedeth.

Perverse and foolish oft I strayed, but yet in love he sought me

And on his shoulder gently laid and home rejoicing brought me.

And so through all the length of days thy goodness faileth never.

Good Shepherd, may I sing thy praise within thy house forever.

Oh, how I love this song. I cry every time I sing it.

I just have to keep looking towards the promise of heaven...what a glorious day that will be. There will be no pain and sadness there.

Just Some Thoughts...

It's March 29, 2010. Hmmm...hard to believe. It seems like it was just the beginning of the new year and I had to get used to writing "2010" on everything. But then again it seems like it's been forever since the beginning of January. A lot has happened since then and there have been a lot of changes...and most of them have been hard.

I'm thinking back to this day last year...what happened then and what has happened since then. I was still in college and a lot was going on in my life. You could say there was some inner turmoil. But God is good, and so faithful. I do not deserve how He has blessed me. Now that I look back on this year, I wonder why I ever worried about what He was going to do with my life. It's actually been real helpful to go back through some journal entries, emails, and correspondence to see what I was struggling with and then how God worked everything out. It makes me ashamed that I still doubt and struggle with trusting Him. But God is at work, I just have to keep working at it.

A year ago, in looking forward to right now, I would never have imagined that things would have happened the way they have. I must admit I had some different expectations and hopes. But God's plans are not our plans, and I see now why certain things worked out the way they did (instead of going the way I wanted them to). God is sovereign and He knows what's best for my life. That is such a comforting thought to me right now. I just have to rest in that.

God has done so much in my life in the past year, and yes, I have changed. Change is often very hard, but sometimes very necessary. It's through these changes and hard things that God has drawn me closer to Himself. Even though it is hard, I know change helps me in the "becoming more like Christ" process.

May all glory be to God for what He has done in my life.

Family Outing...

My family had the opportunity to go and volunteer in Santa Monica at a Veteran's memorial type thing (I'm not exactly sure what to call it). We went because my mom had signed our family up for the "Give a day, get a day" that Disney is sponsoring right now. So, how it's supposed to work is that you volunteer with some program, they sign you off, you send it in, and they send each person a free ticket for Disneyland. So that's what we did.

Our job was to put out candles and cups over them (to protect from the wind when lit) in front of a bunch of wooden crosses that were set-up on the beach for a memorial service. It was kind of funny though, because even though there was thousands of crosses...there are so many of us...it didn't really take us that long to put everything out. And then it was like "was that it?" We felt like we didn't really do too much...but the guy in charge was very grateful and appreciated our help. Here are some pictures, 'cause it's a little hard to explain...so maybe the pictures will help.

This is the "front" of the set-up with the name of the organization (Arlington West) that does this memorial service. This memorial set-up was specifically to recognize our soldiers that have died in Iraq.


Each red cross represents 10 soldiers that have died. Each white cross represents 1 soldier that has died. It was a lot.

(as you can probably tell, it was pretty gloomy...which doesn't make for such good pictures sometimes)

These are the rows and rows of crosses we had to put candles and cups in front of. It was great. : -)

A.J. with his stack of cups going down the line.

Rachele...she didn't really want her picture taken...but I finally got her to smile.

Bethy! She had the "putting out the candle" job.

Shaina!

Daddy would just drop the candle...sometimes it landed straight, and sometimes it didn't.

Benjamin was a "cover the candle with a red cup" person.

: -)

Oh Nick...the constantly funny one.

See what I mean...

Boys...

I went and stood up on the pier and took pictures of the family. I was thinking it would have been nice to have been in the picture...but it's probably not the smartest idea to just hand an expensive camera to some random stranger and say "hey, would you mind going up there on the pier and taking some pictures of us?" Yeah, I decided against that idea. Hence, not being in the family picture.

Also taken from the pier...this gives you an idea of how many crosses were set-up. It was a lot. (sorry this one is so over exposed...)

Can you imagine putting up all those crosses? Talk about a lot of work. It seems like kind of a waste to me...but I guess it makes people that pass by aware of how many people have died.

Okay, so I was actually a little bummed, I was planning on going down by the water and taking lots more pictures...but then we got evacuated off the beach by the police because of two "suspicious" packages that were thought to have bombs in them. They cleared the whole pier and surrounding beach area and told everyone they had to leave. It was slightly chaotic. Also a bummer because all those candles and cups we put out were supposed to be lighted and it would have been really cool to see all the candle lights shining on the crosses when it got dark. Oh well. So, we just ended up going home (Daddy was happy because we got home a lot earlier).

In the car on the way home. It's always fun to take a self-portrait picture. I'm actually pretty fond of pictures like this. Reminds me of one that was taken about six months ago.

So now, because we did this, we get to go to that place called "Disneyland"...my mom is pretty excited and so are the kids. Now the challenge is just finding a day that works for all of our different schedules.

New Look...

So, I was inspired by my sister's new blog to re-do the layout of my blog. When I originally made this blog I had tried putting up a picture as the heading...but it wouldn't work because of the template I had. Well, I started messing with the layout and template last week and finally figured out how to put a picture in...but then it didn't look right and was too big. So then I just decided to use a different template (this one) and make it easier to upload the picture. Anyway, I kinda like how it looks now. A little different, but nice. It's more "me" than the other one was. However, I might still mess with it some more at some point...like maybe the font...that is still not how I want it, but it's fine for now.

The picture I used for my heading is one of my favorites. Mostly because of the location, but also because it turned out "just right" (and that doesn't often happen...I'm still learning how to take good pictures). Since purchasing my camera in August of 2008, I've taken probably more than 20,000 pictures, and out of those, this is one that I love. I remember the day I took it pretty clearly. I remember standing there (on the northern shore of the Sea of Galilee) and thinking that I wished people from back home (like my family and close friends) could be there to see it and share the experience with me. Well, since they couldn't, I decided that I would try to capture the beauty and tranquility of that spot as best as I could. Pictures never do justice to God's beautiful and amazing creation...but they can at least help capture the idea. Anyway, since this blog is about me, I thought I'd use a picture of a place that I love.

My Heart's Desire

"You alone are my heart's desire and I long to worship you."

We sang the song "As the Deer" at Bible study tonight, and these words from the chorus really hit me. I hadn't sung this song in a while, and I had forgotten what some of the words said. This phrase caught my attention because it's something I've been thinking about a lot lately and trying to work on. My heart's desire should be for God and worshipping Him in everything I do. Unfortunately, it's not always like that. I get distracted and let other things come into my heart and become more important than my relationship with God, and that is wrong. But singing this song tonight was a good reminder and an encouragement to me. I just have to keep working at it. I will only find true joy and fulfillment in God alone.