Friday, oh Friday...

Why is it that I always seem to have a hard time on Fridays? Today was another hard day for me. Maybe it's the accumulation of the whole week...maybe that's why Fridays seem hard. I am often very tired, drained, and just "done" by Friday night.

I've been trying to find the balance between being cheerful and joyful in everything that I do...but still letting other emotions come out...because sometimes they just need to, and if I don't let them out, it's just that much harder. And as much as I hate crying, sometimes I just have to. I guess I'm trying to figure out when it's okay to let myself cry. Because I do know that sometimes I get into a self pity mode, and while it would be easy to let myself just wallow in that for a while...I shouldn't, and I think that is an instance when crying is not necessary. But other times, like when I am either really stressed, overwhelmed, or just sad about some things...I think it's okay to cry.

And what about the expressions on my face? Generally speaking, I try to smile and look cheerful when I am around other people, but sometimes it's really hard. I have found that if someone else is not having a great day or is not very cheery, smiling at them and being cheerful can sometimes be contagious and can help (smiling is just better in general anyway). But there are times when I struggle to smile because I'm sad about something. Like when I'm thinking about the physical ailments of a close friend...it's really hard to smile. I have to force myself to look more cheery...and sometimes it doesn't quite work. Is this wrong? Should I not let it get to me? Should I always have a smile on my face?

Something else to think about: when I'm sad or crying and feel very "alone"...God is always there for me and He can and will comfort me if I turn to Him. God is so amazing and so faithful, because regardless of the wretched sinner that I am, He still shows me the same lovingkindness and mercy. Here's a phrase from a song a friend reminded me of earlier this week..."You know the depths of my heart and you love me the same." Isn't that amazing? God sees how very sinful I am, and yet He still loves me. He sees into the depths of my heart and knows who I really am on the inside, a wretched sinner. I am so unworthy and I in no way deserve His love.

Hodu Ladonai Ki Tov = Praise the Lord for He is good

Friends...

This will probably be a short post, but I just have a few thoughts that have been going through my head today.

I was thinking about what a blessing friends are. There have been so many times when I have been discouraged or struggling with something...and then a friend will encourage me or tell me that they are praying for me. That means so much to me. Often when I need encouragement, it's because I'm focusing on myself and what's happening with me and I need to be reminded that my focus needs to be on God and what He's done for me. Some friends are really good at pointing me back to God and the Bible. I am so thankful for them. And it's just nice to know that I'm not going through something alone, but often someone else will be going through the same thing.

I am so thankful for the friends that God has given me. May He be praised.

Pictures!

Shaina and I got some pictures taken last weekend...so I decided to put up a few. Our friend Lukas VanDyke took them for us. We know Lukas from TMC, and I also took two photography classes with him last Spring semester. For the past few years he's done this thing called "Portraits for Missions" in February. Basically he does 15 minute photo sessions for free, and if you want to donate towards his summer missions trip, you can. As you can see, he's a good photographer, and we had fun. :-)

And just for the record...I was not intending to wear my rainboots for the pictures...but Lukas thought they looked "fun," so he told me to leave them on for some of the pictures.

So typical. : -)

Aww...sisters.

Beautiful Shaina.

It's funny to me that this picture turned out looking okay...because I had been trying really hard not to laugh...Lukas told me to look up at the light and have a "contemplative" look on my face...and since I really didn't know what that should look like...it struck me as funny and that I probably looked pretty silly...hence, trying not to laugh. : -)

We love each other...really we do.

As Shaina would say, "Don't we look like twins?"

So anyway, the session was fun, and we got some good pictures of the two of us. I love my "sista" so much.

In Christ Alone

The last week has been a hard one for me. I have been struggling with what I want, and not what God wants. Life is really hard sometimes.

On Sunday morning we sang the song "In Christ Alone" and I found it really encouraging. I needed to be reminded of a few things that it talks about. I have written it out here:

In Christ alone my hope is found;
He is my light, my strength, my song;

This cornerstone, this solid ground,

Firm through the fiercest drought and storm.

What heights of love, what depths of peace,

When fears are stilled, when strivings cease!

My comforter, my all in all - Here in the love of Christ I stand.

In Christ alone, who took on flesh,

Fullness of God in helpless babe!

This gift of love and righteousness,

Scorned by the ones He came to save.

Till on that cross as Jesus died,

The wrath of God was satisfied;

For ev'ry sin on Him was laid - Here in the death of Christ I live.

There in the ground His body lay,

Light of the world by darkness slain;

Then bursting forth in glorious day,

Up from the grave He rose again!

And as He stands in victory,

Sin's curse has lost its grip on me;

For I am His and He is mine - Bought with the precious blood of Christ.

No guilt in life, no fear in death,

This is the pow'r of Christ in me;

From life's first cry to final breath,

Jesus commands my destiny.

No pow'r of hell, no scheme of man,

Can ever pluck me from His hand;

Till He returns or calls me home - Here in the pow'r of Christ I'll stand.

"In Christ Alone" Words and Music by Keith Getty & Stuart Townend
Copyright © 2001 Kingsway Thankyou Music

I need to remember that it is through Christ alone that I can do things in this life. And He is all that I need. So often I turn towards something else (family, friends, etc.) for comfort and strength, but I need to turn to the only one who can really help me. I need to remember the beginning words of this song: "In Christ alone, my hope is found; He is my light, my strength, my song...my comforter, my all in all, here in the love of Christ I stand." He is everything to me, I don't need anything else. I love that part, it's my favorite. What a promise...He is all I need. Now the hard part is to continually remember that and work at it. Oh, is it hard sometimes.